chapter 17

Edward carried Renessmee back to the house and lay her on the white sette so carlisle could give her a thorough examination,
"Well she heals quickly thats our side but we dont know how much damage she can suffer thats Bellas side , so we will have to be vigilant with her" he smiled patting her on the head.
"Mommy weres Henry" she smiled
"Hes upstairs having a nap which is exactly were you are going" bella smiled and took her upto Edwards old room.
When she came back downstairs everybody was waiting for her in the living room.
She stood and exhaled , she knew this was going to be difficult for Edward to hear but she needed to do it , Alice sighed and smiled at her sister.
"Bella you dont have to do this now" Edward said walking towards her
"Yes I do" she smiled,stroked his cheek with her fingers and kissed him on the lips.

"Okay before I start , remember thet it was my decision to become one of you well us" she laughed "Ok it didnt happen how I had planned it to but never the less it was my decision and I dont want anyone to feel guilty understood" she turned and glared at her perfect husband who was already tense.


"Alright what do you want to know?" she smiled at carlisle
"What do you remember first"
"Well I dont know if this is my first memory but I think it was the venom , I know what it was now, but it felt like a rush of lava through my veins"
"It was excrusiating it sort of swallowed me up for a while" she held onto Edwards hand carressing it with her fingers.
"It seemed endless at first like I was drowning (again) in the dark" She knew that this would bring terrible memories back for Edward of the time she had gone 'cliff diving' she sighed and looked at him
"No regrets, no guilt remember" and she kissed his cheek his lips were in a thin line and he snorted.

She looked up at Carlisle, he nodded for her to continue.

"I couldnt move , I remember I didnt want to move I didnt want anyone..." she tightened her grip on Edward so much he winced "I didnt want anyone to see me struggle" she looked up at her family,

Rosealie and Emmett were sat on the stairs her head was in his lap , her eyes distant as if she was reliving her change,
Carlisle was stood against the large open fireplace with Esme by his side and Alice was sat between jaspers legs on the other sofa, jaspers eyes made
Bella feel uneasy for some reason as if he thought she was making it up.
"You can stop now if you wish" smiled carlisle sensing that his son had heard enough for today
"No I'm fine, we're fine" and she lay back into Edwards arms, he kissed her hair and sighed,

"Okay , right after the initial pain things started to make some sense I became more aware of my surroundings, I knew that I musn't scream though I knew that he must not know how much pain I was in, I knew how much it would have hurt him to see me scream and lash around so my focus was on keeping perfectly still"
Edward exhaled and shook his head , but Bella ignored him.
"How?" whispered Jasper
"Sorry?" she wasnt quite sure what he meant
"How did you rationalise your thoughts to spare his feelings"
"I dont know , I just kept on telling myself, dont move, dont speak or he'll know" she turned and looked at Edward his eyes were closed and he was pinching the bridge of his nose.

    "Remarkable" sighed carlisle

"Then the pain started to ease and I could hear footsteps and voices and this kept my mind busy and I somehow kept time , I felt carlisle check my pulse , Edwards scent at the side of me was a continuous comfort to me, Alices feline like footsteps in and out of the room"She smiled at Alice who beamed back
  "At last the pain stopped and I felt able to move , yet I still didnt, then my heart took flight like a helicopter trying to release itself from my body" Bella paused, stood and walked over to the large windows and sighed.
"Then it stopped" she exhaled
    Nobody spoke , the silence seemed unatural, no sound of breathing.

Bella felt a set of arms around her shoulders , she turned , it was Carlisle his eyes a liquid soft butterscotch.
"You are an amazingly brave person Bella , thankyou for sharing your experience with us all" and he kissed her on the forehead.
Everyone rose to hug her apart from Edward , he sat and stared at the floor. tey decided to give them some time totalk , Emmett walked past his brother and gave him a friendly slap on the back then disapeared with the others.

  Bella sat back down beside him, she took both his hands in hers,
"Are you okay my love" she whispered
"I knew you were in pain and I couldnt help and all you thought about was not hurting ME!" he hissed,
"And!" she smiled and gently pulled his face to hers
"You thought about not showing me how much pain you were in Bella , even in your darkest hour you still thought of not hurting me!" he shook his head
"Edward , I love you.. that was never my darkest hour I have lived through and survived MY darkest hour, this was YOUR darkest and I will always put you before me" and she kissed the hollow of his neck and his lips searched and found hers.

    "I love you so much" he mummbled through parting lips
"Edward you are my fallen angel nothing exists without you" she stood and walked towards the door."Shall we" he was beside her in a flash he loved watching her hunt.